Tracy Lynn Baxter - Site Memorial Online

Uhmmm... Where do I start.... I haven't been able to eat bar-b-q since we lost you, just doesn't seem right to me. I can't walk past grills or grill accessories without crying. Too often have I seen men that look like you and I catch myself staring at them. I lie awake so many nights unable to sleep and crying becuase I miss you so bad. Every now and then I can almost hear you singing your "don't worry, be happy" and "daylight come and they want to go home" songs, that you used to just bust up with in the middle of nowhere. Music was our thing that we had together, and most of the time now I can't listen to music of any kind for over 15 mins a day, if that. Lately I had a couple of days to where I blasted my raido, as you would have done, and sang along loudly with some of the songs that you liked too... "Lightning Crashes" by Live for example and it was as if you were in the passenger seat singing along with me. I didn't want to stop driving. Had I had the gas I would have driven until I couldn't anymore. Those times feel good, but then it stops and the reality of everything pops up bigger and harder than before. Tracy, today is a whole year since we lost you..... Thats a whole year since I've heard your voice, got to eat any of your good food, seen your smile, or given you a hug.... Thats a whole year of sleepless nights, crying to myself, having those days at the hospital through the funeral replaying in my head over and over again. Sometimes I wonder how Mom and I have gotten through. It's been the hardest thing ever to go on living our lives "normally" without you here. The whole world seems off balance. I know this was supposed to be more of a memory so I'm going to try to think of happy memories instead of the ones that won't stop playing like a movie in my mind. I remember us living in Memphis for a very small while, and ou used to drive about an hour everyday to take me to school and to take me back home. I remember us seeing this major wreck happen one time one of those days. I also remember the wreck we had on harts bridge rd because some stupod cotton truck ran us off the road, and then you and Mom had a wreck on the same road. I remember the last time that you, Mom, and I went out to eat together and it was at Kappis..... OMGosh, it was awful, but the look on your face and your reaction to Mom was hilarious and I will never forget that. I remember you trying to teach me how to drive that HUGE old car that Lil Mike gave me and I was freaking out. Also you used to let me sit in your lap and drive when I was little. Then when I actually started driving I had to be with you because Mom would freak out and think I was gonna wreck or something, but you was always calm and just walked me through everything. I remember all of the birthday parites y'all had for me, all of the bon fires and cookouts, and all of your "experiments" cooking and you actually got me to doing that. Tracy, it is 2am August, 11, 2011 and I can't sleep, my eyes hurt and I can't even think straight. Please help me take care of Mom today and help us both get through. Just watch over us. I would give anything to have been able to tell you how much I cared and loved you but I waited thinking I would get another chance.... I'm so sorry for that. I just hope you know? I'm so sorry for everything I put you and Mom through and everything else. Just watch over us all and be here with us all... Mom, myself, and the rest of our family and friends.

Well, today is Mom's birthday and mine is tomorrow. It's been a very hard past two weeks for me thinking about Tracy. And espicially now that our birthdays are here.... Tracy has always asked me what I wanted to eat for my birthday and him and Mom have always made sure that that's what I got. I could ask for Rotel, Salsa, Cocktail Weenies, Chili, BBQ, a cake, and ice cream and I would more than likely get every bit of it. I miss those days on Deep Gap rd when we had our big bonfires and grilled out and all of our family and friends would be there with us. This is deffinately a hard one though and I'm just thinking that Tracy must know that and he is watching over us, because this morning first song I heard on the radio was "I won't let go" by Rascal Flatts... Now we all know that he hated country music, but that song is about someone helping you cope through bad times. I wanted to cry but did not let myself.  Another memory of him and my birthday is my 5th birthday. Tracy picked me up and held me in the doorway of the little yellow house we lived in briefly and made me count to 100 before I could get my gift. Well I had been taught well and didn't miss a beat as I count to 100 without messing up, he just grinned at me. When i got done he told me how proud he was and then he took me out to the side of the house where him and some more of my family, had been putting together my brand new swing set. I was very happy. Now as I type this I want to cry because as I said, tomorrow is my birthday and it will not be the same. I miss you Tracy, and I love you very much!    Your Lil Hun.

i will never forget all the laughter tracy brought to my life! it seems like yesterday i got a look from him that has stuck with me throughout the years. . . i  was walking out of the kitchin one day at thier little house on Deep Gap Rd. eating one of his giant pickles he loved so much.  On that particular day strange as it was i had rolled that giant pickle in a bowl full of sugar and to my delight was the best thing i had ever had! tracy looked at me full of laughter and said "your pregnant"! i thought "your crazy"! the next statement changed my life when he added you will have twins my friend! Zane and Jonah White were born the following February just as Tracy had predicted! he will live in our hearts forever and our memories of him will never die!                                                                                                                                

There are so many memories, I don't know where i would start. We had good times and bad but who doesn't. I just know with Tracy in them they were funny. I have got to be truthful I haven't been on this website since I wrote a condolence to Tracy. It is hard for me to get on here because reality kicks in. I got on here today to wish Tracy a happy birthday and then so many memories starting running through my mind. I cant pick just one because i love them all. I know you are in a wonderful place and you are not hurting anymore, but you are missed soooooo much. Please watch over Jill and Laura they love you and miss you.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACY!!!!  Dear God please give Tracys family the strength to get through the weeks to come and me the strength to help them in the way you need me to I love you Jesus.   We love you Tracy.